The conversations every New Yorker has during any extracurricular event for the next two weeks will, inevitably, revolve around the Knicks. Our team has not made the NBA Finals since 1999 (Who were they playing back then? Ho ho, read on!), and hasn't won the NBA championship since 1973—over a half-century ago—and so this is just how it has to be. The Knicks are the only "non-serious" topic that matters right now; attempts to chat about your day, or the terrible last season of "Euphoria," or the super amazing slop bowl you ate, will simply not be countenanced. It is all Knicks, all the time, until the end of time (or until June 19, 2026, should the Finals series against the San Antonio Spurs run for seven games).
However, after hearing from an "anonymous caller" on last week's special Knicks edition of the Hell Gate podcast, it has come to my attention that some people living in this city are unequipped to have these discussions due to busy lives and schedules, or an inexplicable disinterest in basketball, or jocks bullied you in middle school, or whatever other reason. I am not side-eyeing you, but I am encouraging you to catch up on the basics so you will have something to discuss in social situations for the next two weeks. While I've already discussed the Knicks' roster of bench players from Westchester—heroes, all—here, we'll take it back to absolute basics, familiarizing you with the starting players and things to say about them that, ideally, won't facilitate a follow-up conversation.
The Game
This guide is ostensibly about the best-of-seven-game contest between the San Antonio Spurs and the New York Knicks to determine the Greatest Basketball Team on Planet Earth, but it is crucial to note here that both of these teams played EIGHTY-TWO GAMES during the regular season to get the privilege to play MORE GAMES in the playoffs. By the time the players make it to the Finals, they are basically sacks of bruised bones held together by duct tape and high-end athleisure. (Is this too many games? Yes!! And yet…)
Undoubtedly you will hear many in your vicinity repeat the phrase "playoff basketball," and this refers to the intensity, desperation, and grit that is necessary for these teams to survive this long without collapsing into a heap of dust (see: last year's Knicks). Shaking your head in disbelief and repeating phrases like "Monster three!!" and "How are these guys still so good?!" and the more generic "Holy fucking shit!" will go a long way.