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Ever since Fiorello La Guardia moved into Gracie Mansion, each mayor of New York City has put his own mark on the centuries-old money pit, undertaking updates that at times have occurred out of necessity (sprinklers) but more often out of desire (furniture from West Elm).
Ed Koch, who initially didn't want to stay in the mayor's official residence, and kept his Greenwich Village apartment, engaged in a multi-million dollar renovation project shortly upon his arrival, creating an apartment for his private chef and splurging on an indoor barbecue grill. His successor, David Dinkins, caused a bit of a scandal when it was revealed that a City employee had built him a custom wooden headboard that cost the City more than $10,000 in that employee's work time (Dinkins claimed it was needed because Koch had left him with no bed; Koch replied that he had brought his own bed with him to Gracie Mansion and naturally he took it with him when he departed). Rudy Giuliani had his own Gracie Mansion-related woes, and Michael Bloomberg refused to even contemplate living there, though he did do the mayors who came after him a solid by, among other upgrades, redoing all five of the bathrooms in the living quarters. (In 1981, the Times described Gracie's lavatory situation as "bathrooms that would hardly rise above the one-star category.")
We can quickly skip over Bill de Blasio (asbestos!) and Eric Adams (ghosts!) to get to the point: This week, Mayor Zohran Mamdani and his wife Rama Duwaji revealed their own desires for tweaks to the "Little White House," which include not just a nice monstera and that lamp that everyone living in Brooklyn had in 2008, but also—finally!—bidets in those aforementioned five bathrooms.
"We will be installing a few bidets into Gracie Mansion," Mamdani said on Tuesday, adding with a laugh, "That's an aspirational hope; we'll see if we can get it done."
If installing a bidet is "aspirational," where does that leave universal child care?
Perhaps Mamdani is referring to the cost of buying five bidets—the TOTO Washlet S5 (the one I own) currently retails for a cool $587.70 on BidetKing.com, quite the purchase for someone whose mantra is "affordability." (The S5 may also not fit on Gracie Mansion's existing toilets, thus requiring new, elongated toilets, an additional expense to both purchase and install—we've asked the Gracie Mansion Conservancy, the nonprofit that oversees the building, who would pay for these bidets, and will update if they respond.)
If you don't want to be reading about your luxury bidet in the New York Post for the next four years, I can also (reluctantly) suggest the Brondell EcoSeat S101, known as the "People's Bidet" (to me), given its wallet-friendly price of $99.99. The Brondell EcoSeat S101, however, is a cold-water-only bidet (not ideal), and also lacks the cheery warmth of a heated seat. That's maybe not a downside, given the old-school socialist vibes of a grim, cold-water butt wash.
There are options in-between (as well as even more luxurious models), but why sacrifice comfort? Being the mayor of New York City is the worst job in the world—they deserve a warm toilet seat during those precious, private few minutes each day.
So Mayor Mamdani, please, if you are reading this, I beseech you, one Amex Platinum cardholder to another: Get a TOTO Washlet S5. Instant hot water? Yes. Self-cleaning? Mostly! Heated toilet seat? Don't have to tell me more. (It also comes with a mysterious "front wash" function that I have been too scared to use.) Fuck the haters! Luxury and champagne, bread and roses, bidets with heated seats and instant hot water for all!
—Esther Wang