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The Real Housewives of New York City Crawl Towards the Season Finale

And frankly, I'm crawling there too.

Erin Lichy, Abraham Lichy, and Sai De Silva at the Rainbow Room.
(Cindy Ord / Bravo)

I hate giving good people like you, dear Hell Gate readers, bad news, but I have some right now: I'm going to be on vacation for the season finale of season 14 of the "Real Housewives of New York City," AKA the site of my greatest-ever professional (maybe even personal) struggle.

Just kidding. About not having bigger struggles. I am actually going to miss the finale and it's the icing on the cake of my time away. So until then, you'll all have to satiate yourselves on this week's take on the blessedly penultimate episode of RHONY, in which Sai de Silva and Erin Lichy, with their husbands in tow, attempt to poke holes in Jessel Taank's marriage to a beautiful, simple man who loves booking solo first class seats international flights. I'm sure some other shit happens too (I think Ubah Hassan struck a business deal with a restaurant to make…a sandwich?) but I only had time to watch episode 13 once this week—we were just a little bit busy—so I can't really remember. Sorry! 

Looking back on this season as it draws to a close, it's tough to imagine that this is what Andy Cohen intended when he cast Lichy, De Silva, Taank, Hassan, Jenna Lyons and Brynn Whitfield in what was supposed to be a smash hit reboot of a beloved reality TV franchise. It was, objectively, a bad season of Housewives—devoid of serious story arcs, iconic clashes, or even memes with reach beyond the feed of my private Twitter account where I follow a bunch of gay guys who stan Luann De Lesseps…and most of those posts were also about this season flopping. 

I'll dig deeper into the question of "authenticity" in my final (please, Editorial God) post about RHONY, whether this season's mundanity is actually a meta-commentary on how low-key boring it might be to be loaded and frivolous in New York City. Until then…here's two things that happened on the show this week.

Most authentic New York City moment: Indoor golfing with your coworkers you hate

This episode climaxes, if you can call it that, at a tense triple-date-plus-Ubah at a garishly decorated indoor mini golf course called Swingers. De Silva and Hassan attempt to confront Jessel Taank and her husband, Pavit Randhawa, about the fact that Randhawa bought tickets to Vietnam as part of a miles run but isn't totally sure when to go—heavily implying that because Randhawa is going to Vietnam, he's planning on sleeping with sex workers behind Taank's back (racist!). Resoundingly and from the bottom of my heart: Why does anyone give a fuck? I have actually grown very charmed by Taank, who I think is funny, chic, and "gets it," and her husband, who—let the record show!—has a hilarious and well-documented obsession with flying first class internationally, on full display via his Instagram. (This is a disturbing development for me, because I do not want to care about what happens on RHONY.) But drama aside—being forced to do a horrible recreational activity, for your job, alongside people you hate but are tied to for financial reasons? That's a classic work happy hour, baby! The Housewives are just like us!!!!!!!!

Least authentic New York City moment: Jenna Lyons lets her dog go on her fancy couch

Whatever. At one point the dog's on the couch. Just doesn't seem like something a rich and image-conscious New Yorker would necessarily do. But what the hell do I know!

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