On Thursday night, the art critic Dean Kissick held his monthly "Seaport Talks" series at the back of Financial District Irish pub T.J. Byrnes. This month, Kissick had his highest-profile guest yet: New York Magazine's senior art critic Jerry Saltz. It seemed like it would be quite the contrast. Kissick is a sleek cool kid who you might know from Blaketheman1000's Dimes Square anthem "Dean Kissick" ("Dean Kissick. I pull up to the club with my girl and five of her friends / I'm not a critic. But if I was, I would say all of them are tens").
Jerry Saltz, on the other hand, despite the Pullitzer, has this "art world everyman" brand. He's 72, and his signature move is buying multiple cups of deli coffee, refrigerating them and pouring them—mixed with decaf—into a 7-Eleven Double Gulp cup that he washes and reuses. "I don't know how to make coffee," Saltz reiterated at T.J. Byrnes. "I've tried. I cannot master it. I've really tried." After his coffee routine went viral in 2020, he wrote an essay about his routine, and let everyone know he eats almost the same meal everyday: premade chicken paillard with various vegetables every night, and an egg on toast for breakfast. But last night Saltz revealed that since writing that article, his diet has become even more spartan.
"You're gonna hate me for this, but I love it," Saltz began. "I go once a week to my Gristedes, and I buy about 15 already-made balsamic chicken breasts. And I get about ten bags of spinach. Then I put them on a plate and eat one for breakfast, and one for dinner."
Kissick mostly just sat there and quirked his eyebrows or smirked, and read Saltz quotes from his books in Kissick's little accent, Saltz's criticism of the art world from two decades ago: "Too many critics act like cheerleaders," Saltz wrote, "reporters or hip metaphysicians. Amid art fair frenzy, auction madness, money lust and market hype; between galleries turning into selling machines, gossip passing as criticism and art becoming a good job; the system, while efficient, feels faulty, even false." The younger people in the crowd wanted to know: has anything changed? Does anything ever change?
Saltz seemed to think things had changed, that everything is possible now and we live in an auspicious time. His advice to artists was, "Hang out. Try to act friendly. To get successful, you only have to pull the wool over a very few people's eyes." He said artists only needed to trick one art dealer into liking their work, four or five collectors ("They don't have to be millionaires, because your work is never going to be worth a million bucks"), and one critic. "You have to fuck 'em," he… joked? But he caveated: "Don't try to sleep with me, I'm not doing it. Don't flirt with me."
Isabelle Brourman (whose courtroom sketch illustrated Hell Gate's coverage of Donald Trump's first arraignment) asked Saltz about what he learned from his time as a truck driver before his art criticism career took off in his 40s. After singing Brourman's praises, calling her a great artist, saying she took a "dead art form" and breathed new life into it, Saltz replied that he learned nothing from trucking, that it was a waste of time that he only did because he loved the art world and couldn't find a way into it. More and more questions were asked, and Saltz said he could do this all night, admitting his tendency to ramble. "One thing I've noticed about myself is that I do go on."
"You can all leave if you want," Saltz said. "I won't ruin your careers, I promise."
You can also… read these links!
- Speaking of arraignments, Inna Vernikov was mum to reporters at her own arraignment yesterday for bringing a gun to a protest last month. Her attorney also wanted prosecutors to prove that pictures of her with the gun at the protest weren't artificially generated.
- The City's Campaign Finance Board repeatedly warned the Adams campaign about donations that have now triggered an FBI probe. Adams said he will fully cooperate.
- The Atlantic is writing about how Local Law 18, limiting short-term rentals in the city, has given hotels more pricing power and made it harder for tourists to visit the city. Uh… I guess that seems fine?
- One woman in East New York is fighting to keep a house she's claimed since she found it abandoned in 2010 after some house-flippers (who have been accused of fraud) who say they've bought the house from previous owners are trying to evict her.
- About 30 students walked out of Hillary Clinton's class at Columbia yesterday, protesting the school's "shaming" of pro-Palestinian protestors.
- Bernard Chow, a Republican nominee for Council District 23, doesn't live in the district, he revealed in an interview with Queens Chronicle.
- Former NYPD commissioner Keechant Sewell has a new gig: head of security for the Mets. She says it's her dream job, which makes sense, because it's a newly-created position.
- Cornell University canceled all classes today, citing anti-Semitic threats on campus.
- The Trump sons say that any fraud their family's company may have done was because of their accountants.
- An elderly woman in Brooklyn who was hit by two drivers who fled the scene, has died.
- Rodney Harrison, former NYPD Chief of Detectives and Suffolk County police chief, is resigning after just two years on the job.
- A judge has dismissed a lawsuit brought by two Queens co-ops that would have stalled city climate bill Local Law 97.
- Sam Bankman-Fried has been found guilty on all counts of fraud. Damn, that's crazy.
- The Attorney General Tish James has opened an investigation into the NYPD killing of Jason Pass.
- A state opioid board said the state should use billions of dollars it's got from settlements on safe injection sites, but Governor Kathy Hochul is like, no.
- And finally, would you eat George Santos's cupcakes? Just asking.
