The Yankees beat the Mets in the Bronx on Monday night, claiming the first game of the second Subway Series this summer, but the actual winner was this absolute Kontent King who dared to dream what it's like to drink a $20 beer through an $8 tube of meat. He also happened to be sitting a few rows back from someone whose iPhone was out, and the video made its way to one of NYC's most popular chroniclers of city life:

Some distrustful people who hate joy have pointed out that there's a good chance this gentleman's behavior was only for the benefit of the camera trained his way, in some sort of Machiavellian ploy to become noticed and perhaps even one day, loved. 

We, however, choose to believe that this grown adult was just living their life, jamming a plastic straw into a warm hot dog like no one was watching. Either way, now we have multibillion-dollar sports media conglomerates run by people who probably vote Republican using the phrase "glizzy straw." Can we get the Desus and Mero reaction to….oh. Right.

Today is primary day, please go vote!

Here's what else is happening:

• On Monday, Mayor Eric Adams and his press team variously mocked and excoriated the New York Times's front-page story about his penchant for nightlife. Why doesn't the mayor provide receipts to prove that someone else isn't picking up the tab for his 14-plus expensive meals at the same Midtown restaurant? Well, no other mayor had to provide receipts, that's why! "If I tell you who I go with, y’all going to to do four-page stories on them. Nobody’s going to want to hang out with me anymore!" the mayor reportedly said. We never got around to going to law school, but aren't all those "Yo Mayor sup u wanna go to 0 bond tn?" texts subject to FOIL?
• Another story the mayor's team is angry about: the Times reporting that his administration was essentially using migrants arriving at the Port Authority as a photo-op, and overshadowing the actual work that nonprofits do to help these people. (Hell Gate had this accusation days before the Times did). Meanwhile, Documented reports that these migrants are being turned away from NYC shelters. Maybe the mayor's office, which didn't comment on this story, should be pissed about that?
• There's a "simulated fireball" going down in Greenpoint today between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. so make peace with your god.
• Governor Kathy Hochul announced that NYC schools would no longer have any meaningful COVID restrictions.
• Dion Middleton, the NYC correction officer who shot and killed 18-year-old Raymond Chaluisant last month, was indicted on murder and manslaughter charges. As Gothamist points out, “Middleton is the first correction officer charged for shooting someone since a new law took effect last year that requires the state attorney general’s office to investigate deaths at the hands of police and peace officers, including jail staff.” As a reminder, this is how the NYPD decided to respond to Chaluisant’s death: