Make All NYC Landmarks Spin Like the Astor Place Cube

Have you heard the good news? As of Tuesday, the Astor Place Cube is back in action. Actually named "Alamo" (why?), the 56-year-old sculpture is once again in spinning form after it broke in 2021 and was carted off for repairs in May, to the delight of people who love to touch some public art on the way to, say, get a soon-to-be-infected cartilage piercing on St. Marks or go to that one Starbucks. While it's no Sphere, news that the Cube has been restored to its former rotating glory has brought myriad fans out of the woodwork—Hell Gate staffers among them. 

In our Slack alone, the Cube has been called "good" and "fun," with reports that spinning it "rocks." At first, this reporter was skeptical of all this sudden affection for the Cube—where were all these huge fans when it was rendered temporarily immobile? But chatting with friends at a bar last night, we collectively came to a stunning realization that has the potential to revolutionize New York City: All of our landmarks should be spinnable, just like the Astor Place Cube. 

The possibilities for whimsy and delight that a city of spinning landmarks opens up is nearly endless. Imagine taking a ferry to Ellis Island, gazing up at the Statue of Liberty in all her minty green glory, and giving that lady a quick whirl: Exactly what my ancestors came to America to do! Pay your respects at the 9/11 memorial, and then nudge the Freedom Tower into a solemn and respectful pirouette. A spinnable Brooklyn Bridge? Logistically complicated, but my God, would it ever look amazing doing a 360-degree rotation. The Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building in perpetual motion, adding gentle gyration to Manhattan's glittering skyline—stunning. And don't even get me started on what a rotational mechanism would do for the Vessel! That thing was made to spin.

So, how feasible is this "make every NYC landmark spin" scheme? I'm no engineer, but it reportedly took two years to repair the Cube (a year and ten months of doing nothing, then two months of actual repairs) when its spinning base broke, so I'd say it might take a while to identify every single iconic landmark in the city, rip them out of the ground, replace their foundations with some kind of shit to make them twirl around, and then put the whole thing back together again. Like, ten years or something? But if the Cube is any indication, it'll all be worth it in the end. 

Some links to get your mind reeling: 

• For example, we should be able to spin this statue of Brooklyn political icon Shirley Chisholm.
• Governor Kathy Hochul really wants more people to live by the Gowanus Canal: "The executive actions include a top priority of the real estate industry: enabling developers of projects in the Gowanus neighborhood of Brooklyn to reap benefits similar to those they would have received under 421a, a contentious tax break that has expired. They also include a renewed push to build housing on land owned by state agencies."
• Dying to know the electricity bill of this Jersey City resident who charges his many electric cars with a 34-foot cord plugged into an outlet in his kitchen.
• People living outside of New York City are throwing their money at Eric Adams for some reason, according to his latest campaign filings.
• Another day, another wave of community concerns about a temporary migrant shelter—this time, in Queens.
• The lifeguard shortage at Rockaway Beach has created a "recipe for disaster," according to the lifeguards themselves.
• The Correction Department has stopped sharing CO timesheet data or issuing press releases when detainees die.
• This subway scuffle has me in the mood to mind my business.
• The former MTA chairman may have gotten himself in an ethical quandary over Penn Station's renovation.
• Eric Adams maintains that he's the "best person" to fix the crisis on Rikers Island, in spite of an increasing number of powerful people who say otherwise.
• If these City Councilmembers don't watch out, their faces might get banned from MSG. 
• Real-life Barbenheimer? "New NYPD intelligence chief Rebecca Weiner inspired by grandfather who helped design atomic, hydrogen bombs."
• Taxi drivers came out to protest congestion pricing.
• Free Sherry-Lehmann!
• Chuck Schumer, what do you know about aliens and why do you want us to learn it…