Skip to Content
Morning Spew

Well, Well, Well

Donald Trump almost led a consequence-free life.

9:51 AM EDT on March 31, 2023

(Hell Gate)

You may not have heard, but former President Donald Trump was indicted yesterday on "more than 30" criminal charges by Manhattan's District Attorney. United States criminal justice system, welcome to The Resistance.

Now, regardless of how squeamish you feel about this momentary victory for Trump's political adversaries, it's important to flash back to the emotional drama at the core of this.

Donald Trump was born in Queens the scion of a wealthy real estate developer, went to private school, spent the Civil Rights era at Wharton, dodged the draft (the only cool thing he ever did), and then from there (allegedly, but alleged credibly and frequently) sexually assaulted his way through a life of using loans from his rich dad to become a celebrity slumlord, failing abjectly at business while remaining rich, marrying models, developing a bespoke tweeting style, having terrible aesthetic taste, being a guy with a catchphrase, and popularizing birtherism without the remotest fear of reprisal and all without ever making a single friend.

Running for president as his first foray into politics and winning was a victory lap on a basically consequence-free life. As fate would have it, though, on a personal level, it was also probably the worst thing that ever happened to the guy. Having been fueled by pure resentment, he found he won a highly stressful, 24-hours-on-the-clock job he obviously didn't actually care about, the enmity of millions, where previously he had loved to be liked, and now–and we'll see how this all actually goes–potentially going to jail. And despite all that, trapped in a vortex of misery and outrage, he intends to run again next year. It definitely doesn't seem like fun.  

Trump almost got away with fading into camp obscurity after living a life of luxury and casual cruelty. If he hadn't wanted that last, biggest, shiniest trophy, he could have had all the rest of them, and retired into history a weird famous guy to most, the funny man from "Zoolander" whose tweets went viral every once in a while.

Now, are the current charges against him meaningful? Uh, no comment. We'll have to wait for the indictment to be released. But think of this like the day Trump got COVID, which is widely remembered as one of the funniest days to be on Twitter. Was that because we all actually love the infection caused by the novel coronavirus? No. It was because it's great when bad shit happens to a guy who sucks. 

Some more great links to start your weekend off… great:

Already a user?Log in

Thanks for reading!

Give us your email address to keep reading two more articles for free

See all subscription options

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter

More from Hell Gate

Finally: It’ll Cost $15 to Drive into Lower Manhattan

Details of the congestion pricing plan, and other links to start your day.

November 30, 2023

Greenpoint’s Restaurant Row Gets a Nifty New Japanese Sando Shop

Taku Sando puts an American twist on Japanese sandwiches.

November 29, 2023

The New Corona Plaza Market Doesn’t Seem Like Much of a Market At All

Vendors say the City's new vision for the plaza "feels like a slap in the face." Plus, more of Wednesday's links.

November 29, 2023

Queens Casino Debates Return: Will Jessica Ramos Be the Immovable Object to Steve Cohen’s Unstoppable Force?

Both Ramos and Cohen ultimately have only one weapon, and it’s the power to scuttle the other’s plans.

November 28, 2023

With NYC in a Housing Crisis, Adams Administration Takes Bold Step of Removing Bureaucratic Hurdles So Developers Can Build More Casinos

The administration doesn't want to gamble with a casino developer's shot at a NYC gambling house, and more links for your Tuesday.

November 28, 2023
See all posts