The 'Real Housewives of New York City' Beach and Moan
(Photos by John O'Neilo, Danielle Levitt /Bravo)

The 'Real Housewives of New York City' Beach and Moan

Dead birds and inscrutable fights, one episode away from the season finale.

I would love to be at the beach right now: toes in the sand, tang of salt in the air, sun-kissed and relaxed on a fluffy towel. But I'd rather keep freezing my ass off in Brooklyn than spend a day on la playa with the "Real Housewives of New York City"—at least, not if the way the cast behaves on camera reflects their actual seaside behavior. 

This week's RHONY reboot episode (lucky number 14, because next week is the season finale) centered around fighting, mostly between Brynn Whitfield and Ubah Hassan, who have been sniping at each other all season with increasing ferocity. We finally got to see Whitfield call Hassan a "Talbots model" and tell her that she's not Naomi Campbell or Gisele Bündchen while the two shared a hot tub, to which Hassan responded that Naomi and Gisele wish they were her, which is like—no they don't. Like, they sooooo don't. Hahahahaha. 

But otherwise, there's a kind of intractable web of fighting going on that even seems to be confusing the cast members themselves. Even as a viewer and chronicler, I don't totally get what's happening, and I don't want to. Doors are being slammed, profanities are being bleeped, Jenna Lyons is wearing sunglasses, indoors, at night, in spite of it all… ostensibly, things are heating up, but I'm just feeling grateful the end is nigh.

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