The Buffalo Bills Just Need Another Billion Dollars

As New Yorkers watched the Buffalo Bills' game-tying field goal attempt sail wide right in the waning moments of the team's devastating playoff loss to the Kansas City Chiefs in Buffalo on Sunday night, one question cut through the heartache: Are New York's state leaders doing enough to ensure that our only real professional football team succeeds? 

Sure, the 2022 deal to give the Bills more than $1 billion in taxpayer dollars for a new stadium that Governor Kathy Hochul QB sneaked through the legislature—$600 million in upfront cash, $160 million in forgone tax revenue, and $250 million from Erie County coffers—is a good start. 

But if we really want the fracking billionaires who own the Bills to be able to hoist the Lombardi Trophy, we'll need to think bigger.

For instance: What is the new stadium going to do to prevent the kinds of blustery winds that may foil a crucial field goal attempt? Renderings for the structure do not show a dome, because a dome would cost an extra $300 million.

Can we really put a price on a Super Bowl championship? Slap a dome on there and give the kickers some peace of mind! The state might not have universal pre-K, but at least every child will be proud that their parents made a sound investment in the bragging rights of Western New York.

Speaking of early childhood development—"pre-K" should stand for "pre-Kicker," and New York's government should step up to provide comprehensive football kicking training to every single toddler. Why force the Bills to look for talent elsewhere, when we can grow the very best kickers right here in the Empire State? By 2050, every single New York resident under the age of 30 should be able to nail a 45-yarder with their eyes closed, and it will all be because we had the foresight to make the investment right now, when it all seemed like a crazy pipe dream. 

Currently, the community agreement that the Bills signed with Erie County to provide $3 million in community benefits every year for 30 years lacks concrete details on just how that money will be spent and who will ensure it's spent wisely. Now is the time to pilot the "pre-K" program! Our children, and generations of Bills fans, will thank us.

And here are some links that went straight through the uprights:

• Speaking of sports-related boondoggles, Mets owner and Table of Success member Steve Cohen still needs crucial state approval to make his casino dreams come true.
• A $30 million indoor wave pool for the Rockaways? Uh, OK.
• The Hochul administration may finally be getting serious about weaning us off natural gas.
• You may take my gas stove but you will NEVER TAKE MY PRIMAL HOT CRACKLING GOOD TIME.
• New York City is going to get a lot hotter and a lot wetter and most of our public officials don't seem to care all that much about it.
• But maybe all the bad politicians will die and they'll be replaced with people who took climate change classes as kids?
• A judge has ordered the release of a Hudson Valley man convicted on terrorism charges back in 2011 because he and his fellow defendants were victims of an "FBI-orchestrated conspiracy."
• After vetoing two public safety bills on Friday, Mayor Eric Adams has urged councilmembers to go on ride-alongs with the NYPD to see how one of the bills would negatively impact police officers' work. The mayor also held a Sunday press conference with the family members of correction officers, who railed against the ban on solitary confinement that the mayor also vetoed. 
• Governor Hochul wants to jack up the fines issued to illegal weed store owners.
• Yes, the roof of this Upper West Side building looks like a penis.
• Disgraced former governor Andrew Cuomo is suing to obtain the documents used by Attorney General Letitia James in her inquiry into his misconduct that led to his resignation. 
• In 2023, drivers dodged hundreds of thousands of tolls by obscuring their license plates. And this is before congestion pricing!
• A baby died after being burned by the steam coming from the radiator in his family's Midwood apartment.
• "Driver Who Killed 7-Year-Old Gets Probation After DA Katz Quietly Downgraded Charges"