Reports: Mayoral Swag Levels Critical

Swag, as a metric, is one that won't show up on CompStat or the Mayor's Management Report, but it's an important one nonetheless, especially for the Adams administration, which has staked its mayoralty to swag-iness. 

Just two weeks ago, the mayor was bullish about swag levels city wide. 

"We have our swag back," Adams told KRS-ONE in City Hall. 

But now, two publications, the New Yorker and Politico (both, themselves, devoid of swag and thus, impartial), have reported that the mayor is down…and possibly down bad. 

First, the New Yorker went long on Eric Adams, and found out this guy is into making up weird stories about his life (correct), probably lived in New Jersey while running for Mayor of New York City (clearly), and also…does the mayor tape his own mouth shut at night (assuming he sleeps)?

Rachel Atcheson, a close adviser, told me, without complaint, that under Adams’s influence she now sleeps with her mouth taped shut, “in order to force myself to breathe through my nose.” (Her dreams, she said, have become more vivid.)

He's also not that into the whole "taking time to govern" thing and instead likes hanging out in the city, vibing with people. Normally this would increase a politician's swag levels, but you get a sense that he could stand to go to fewer flag raisings (he's attended 31 since taking office, per the Times) and do more actual government work.

Right after the New Yorker story dropped, Politico published a story on Adams's Aaron Judge-like summer:

But Adams — not unlike the Yankees captain, who was sidelined by a toe injury in June and July — has struggled all summer. There is a law enforcement investigation into a former member of his administration. There’s a looming federal takeover of city jails. The City Council overrode his veto of affordable housing bills. And now migrants are sleeping on sidewalks in Manhattan as a crisis over their arrivals grows worse.

The worst sign of all that you're losing swag? People are beginning to pick up on your swag insecurity.

"They’re nervous they’re getting less swagger," said one Democratic political consultant who has talked with members of Adams’ inner circle. 

So how much swag does Adams have left?

*Turns dials on machine, releases pressure valve, divides number of haters by the number of open positions for waiters, multiples by Zero Bond appearances and subtracts by number of high-level staff resignations, beep-boop beep beep beep boop whirrrrrrr*

Oh no! Bad news for Mayor Eric Adams: "SWAG LEVELS CRITICAL." 

Here are some absolutely vanilla, dry, by-the-book, devoid of style links to start your day: 

• Sharks! The first shark attack in New York City in decades sent a woman to the hospital in the Rockaways and now swimming and surfing has been canceled for today. 
• A woman was killed after she was struck by two separate cars in Brooklyn while trying to cross a crosswalk blocked by one of the cars. Both drivers fled the scene.
• Who's behind the network of rabid online Andrew Cuomo supporters? His sister, of course. 
• In the deregulated energy market, there are layers of obfuscation designed to help companies avoid blame for when your bill goes up. That's why NY Focus has cut through the bullshit to tell you why you're paying so much more to energy companies. 
• Here's the man behind Eric Adams's austerity budgets. 
• Queens Councilwoman Vickie Paladino is all about "law and order," for other people. Not her.
• The former head of Bill de Blasio's NYPD security detail has resigned from the NYPD ahead of an indictment that's probably going to get the former mayor in even more hot water. 
• New York's already sluggish pot dispensary rollout is on hold, once again. 
• Landlords are getting organized, you probably should too.
• And finally, start saying goodbye to that inconstant motherfucker, the sun: