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Morning Spew

Reports: Mayoral Swag Levels Critical

The haters are simply refusing to become waiters.

9:31 AM EDT on August 8, 2023

He’s been doing this “heart” thing lately and TBH…not very swaggy. (Benny Polatseck/Mayoral Photography Office)

Swag, as a metric, is one that won't show up on CompStat or the Mayor's Management Report, but it's an important one nonetheless, especially for the Adams administration, which has staked its mayoralty to swag-iness. 

Just two weeks ago, the mayor was bullish about swag levels city wide. 

"We have our swag back," Adams told KRS-ONE in City Hall. 

But now, two publications, the New Yorker and Politico (both, themselves, devoid of swag and thus, impartial), have reported that the mayor is down…and possibly down bad. 

First, the New Yorker went long on Eric Adams, and found out this guy is into making up weird stories about his life (correct), probably lived in New Jersey while running for Mayor of New York City (clearly), and also…does the mayor tape his own mouth shut at night (assuming he sleeps)?

Rachel Atcheson, a close adviser, told me, without complaint, that under Adams’s influence she now sleeps with her mouth taped shut, “in order to force myself to breathe through my nose.” (Her dreams, she said, have become more vivid.)

He's also not that into the whole "taking time to govern" thing and instead likes hanging out in the city, vibing with people. Normally this would increase a politician's swag levels, but you get a sense that he could stand to go to fewer flag raisings (he's attended 31 since taking office, per the Times) and do more actual government work.

Right after the New Yorker story dropped, Politico published a story on Adams's Aaron Judge-like summer:

But Adams — not unlike the Yankees captain, who was sidelined by a toe injury in June and July — has struggled all summer. There is a law enforcement investigation into a former member of his administration. There’s a looming federal takeover of city jails. The City Council overrode his veto of affordable housing bills. And now migrants are sleeping on sidewalks in Manhattan as a crisis over their arrivals grows worse.

The worst sign of all that you're losing swag? People are beginning to pick up on your swag insecurity.

"They’re nervous they’re getting less swagger," said one Democratic political consultant who has talked with members of Adams’ inner circle. 

So how much swag does Adams have left?

*Turns dials on machine, releases pressure valve, divides number of haters by the number of open positions for waiters, multiples by Zero Bond appearances and subtracts by number of high-level staff resignations, beep-boop beep beep beep boop whirrrrrrr*

Oh no! Bad news for Mayor Eric Adams: "SWAG LEVELS CRITICAL." 

Here are some absolutely vanilla, dry, by-the-book, devoid of style links to start your day: 

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