NYC Dogs Deny the Legitimacy of the So-Called ‘Dog Mayor’

Did you know that New York City has a "dog mayor"? We didn't either, and we should know. We're dogs.

On Thursday afternoon, the mayor of New York City, along with a bunch of City Councilmembers, took some time out of their busy schedules at City Hall to pose with "Sally Long Dog," a six-year-old basset hound who is identified as "the honorary dog mayor of New York City."

Excuse us, what? Right now, we are making that adorable head-tilting gesture, because we are extremely confused. Someone is purporting to be dog mayor?

Dogs are pack animals, and our leaders are chosen after many hours of romping, barking, and biting each other's necks, at first playfully, but then increasingly harder until one of us gets pissed. So how was this "dog mayor" "elected" without any of our input, right under our wet little noses? 

Answer: This supposed "dog mayor" was elected without the vote of a single dog. According to this amNew York story that was published in January, the voting actually happened in the fall of 2022, and all the ballots were cast by humans, on social media. They even made a whole bracket, full of dogs that nobody has heard of.

This is a "dog mayor" without popular mandate, without democratic legitimacy, a puppet propped up by the human regime. We have not sniffed her butt. We do not recognize her authority.

The fingerprints of human ignorance are all over this sham Where are the shelter dogs on this "ballot"? Where are the mutts? Dog leadership is already lousy with purebreds—must we perpetuate this system at the expense of our comrades who are currently waiting for a permanent home?

The human who created the dog mayor election—what a ridiculous thing to type, even for a group of dogs!—told amNewYork that his goal was to "push for initiatives at the city level that transcend politics, that are common sense, and have broad appeal."

"Things like reducing New York City's ongoing problem with trash cleanup and noise pollution to making poop bags more accessible to New York City's lower-income communities," spoke the man, Stephen Calabria. "When we make strides on these fronts, it will be because of the dog mayor."

No offense, but we hope any potential "dog mayor" aims a little higher than "poop bags for poor neighborhoods." (Calabria also notes on his website that he got the idea from Littleton, Colorado, which had its own dog election and—Are you sitting down? Sit. Sit. Good dog!—also elected a basset hound.)

As dogs, we understand the impulse to get obsessed with weird little things—it's OK if you want to roll around with a rat carcass for 45 minutes, or spend a lot of time and energy on a pointless "dog mayor" election.

But what are these human public servants—who are paid many tens of thousands of bones—doing spending time with this illegitimate, if adorable, dog mayor? This isn't even the first time Sally went to City Hall—she was there back in February!

And why did the Women's Caucus of the City Council take special interest in Sally? She's a dog, not the real mayor!

Who benefits from this "dog mayor" charade? Lazy human politicians who value cute photo ops over the hard work of governance, maybe; City Hall reporters who looked upon this sham government and saw only the opportunity for a cute headline; the Schneps Media empire, who profited from dog election ad revenue just as it profits from coziness with human politicians.   

Dogs do not benefit from this mockery, and we will not rest or waver in our cause until—hey! Is that a squirrel? Squirrel! Squirrel!