Hell Gate is proud to present our ANNUAL MARCH MADNESS OF NYC HOT TAKES. Like a ghost pepper bred for military applications, these takes are prized not for their correctness but for their sheer heat. But also, when you look within, aren’t they kind of right?
Not all takes are created equal, and some are ranked higher than others for how insanely hot they are. A declaration of Eric Adams's innocence? That's the #1 seed in our Orchard Beach bracket. Converting the city's graveyards into affordable housing? Peep the top spot in our Coney bracket. Absolution from Tadeusz Kościuszko himself re: how to pronounce his namesake bridge, or Saint Patrick's Day and Columbus Day as DEI? You'll find those a lot closer to the bottom of the Rockaway and Coney brackets.
Hell Gate invites you to set these takes against one another. Bring them to your friends and castigate them over their failure to agree with you, or their insistence that one of these takes is, in fact, right and true. And this year, we're got an interactive bracket at the bottom that you can actually fill out—see how your take on the takes matches up to other Hell Gate readers, and if you're feeling really loud and proud, share your bracket in the comments section, too. We love it when you fight!
Next week, based on your feedback on social media, the bracket itself, and especially in the comments below, Hell Gate will reveal the "Elite Eight" hot NYC takes, along with a defense of each. Truly, the madness has only just begun…