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Morning Spew

If You Take a Helicopter to Long Island You Look Like an Asshole

Are you "big in the health-and-wellness space and private debt space"?

9:15 AM EDT on August 1, 2023

Private helicopters near the seaport.

A row of private helicopters at the helipad near the Financial District. (Hell Gate)

The assertion in this headline should be a relatively uncontroversial one. We are living through a climate crisis, Long Island is served by an excellent commuter rail system, helicopters are very loud.

And yet, it was startling to open this week's New York Magazine and discover that the people waiting at Blade's "Aqua Lounge" for private flights to the Hamptons were not only willing to speak on the record to reporters, but they were willing to have their photos taken next to a giant arrow with a proverbial neon sign flashing the word "ASSHOLE."

The feature isn't online yet (sorry New York Magazine) but come on:

Come ON!!!!

If you ever find yourself considering private air travel, just know that if something unfortunate happens, and you have to quickly take stock of your life, there's a good chance that the guy in the seat across from you has described himself as "big in the health-and-wellness space and private debt space." (Don't Google him.)

And then there's this fellow:

No, you do not have to "try that out."

This summer associate deserves a full-time job, because he raises an important point: every single person who takes a private helicopter to the beach should be required to wear a giant BLADE hat at all times when they're in public. The back should say "ASK ME WHY I SPEND $1,100 ON A TRIP TO LONG ISLAND." The hat should also smell like gasoline. We await the City Council's action on this matter.

Seaplanes are pretty cool though.

And here's some more links oh no it'sCHOPCHOPCHOP CHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOPCHOP:

  • The legal weed store that Housing Works opened last December has raked in $12 million in revenue—$2 million per month, double what it was projected to take in. That's what a near-monopoly on legal sales will get you.
  • Mayor Eric Adams defended DocGo, the company that is being paid $432 million in a no-bid contract to provide services to asylum seekers, despite the company's track record of lying to migrants and threatening them when they speak to the press. Adams said they've done a "Herculean job," and discouraged more immigrants from seeking shelter here, in New York City. "It’s not going to get any better," Adams said. "From this moment on, it’s downhill. There is no more room."
  • A federal judge has told the Adams administration that they must get their shit together and competently distribute SNAP benefits to New Yorkers, some of whom have been waiting months due to the incompetence of City government.
  • A Long Island swimmer was carried out to sea and spent five hours treading water before authorities found him.
  • Politico reports that Queens Councilmember Selvena Brooks-Powers will oppose a 107-unit affordable housing development in her district, because she wants the units to be available for people to purchase.
  • Striking actors and writers will be at City Hall park today at noon. Show your support, folks!

And finally, does Bill de Blasio get out of the house much?

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