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Morning Spew

May I Suggest Finding a Carpeted Bar With a Fog Machine This Slushy Weekend?

A recommendation for a night on the town, plus links!

a silly map

(NWS NYC and Hell Gate)

This weekend, staying in is a totally reasonable choice. It's supposed to rain (snow?) tonight, and the rest of the forecast is nice and gray. Your shoebox apartment is warm and cozy, and you're paying however many dollars a month for all of those streaming options. No judgment here, really. 

But, you know, if you decide to go out, I have a suggestion: Mansions in Ridgewood. Last weekend I had to leave abruptly from a dwindling birthday party in Crown Heights (where a representative from the NYPD told us at the time, "if we have to come back here again, we’re not going to be happy."), and ended up at the club.

It was two peoples' birthdays at Mansions that evening, but I never found out whose. "It's a wine bar that's also a club," one of my roommates said. "I think you would like it." Another roommate couldn’t come out on Saturday because she was doing some 80-year-old poet's taxes. Over one person's complaints, we ordered an Uber XL from a third person's birthday party in Crown Heights, and it dropped us off on Metropolitan Avenue beside the Western Beef.

We walked through a pile of coats into Mansions, and another friend was waiting on the other side. He offered me something fun, and I said I would get a drink and think about it. The bartenders were friendly but busy, so I felt a little bad that I ordered a cocktail off of the menu that was called an "Island Old Fashioned," which tasted like it had Falernum and rum in it.

The dance floor was covered with carpet—I asked Mansions how they maintain it, and via Instagram DM, a representative replied, "We vacuum it"—and the walls were wood-paneled like someone's white dad's study. It was also full of fog, magenta and red lights, and people huddled together. I decided I would have fun after all. Two DJs—Alien D and "Andrew Devlin"—played together. Next to me on the dance floor, there was a single black hoodie hanging on the wall, and I remember the open hood facing me, though that doesn't make a ton of sense. (I tried not to look too deeply into it.) The DJs played "Vogue" and everyone lost it. "Whose birthday is it?" I asked, and my friend turned away to talk to someone, before turning back quickly. "I thought that was my friend whose birthday it is," he said. "He has the same haircut and is wearing, like, the same sweater."

"We're in Ridgewood," I reminded him. "Sometimes: same haircut, same sweater, different guy."

All my friends Ubered home, but I stayed at Mansions because at that point, I was having a blast. I realized later that I would have to take the bus home, or buy a $40 ride of my own. Shadow boxing past the Linden Hill cemetery, I watched the tombstones turn to ghosts, and took the B38.

Tonight, someone called adobeprincess will be DJing at Mansions. Check it out.

—Adlan Jackson

Writer-editor's note: While I fully endorse this glowing review of Mansions, I do have a cautionary tale for all my fellow forgetful partygoers. After holding my own birthday bash at Mansions, I left a sentimentally valuable, custom-embroidered tote bag at the club near the aforementioned coat pile. When I went back a few days later to pick it up, the cool bartender handed me the contents of my tote, but told me that the owner had actually taken the bag itself and used it to go grocery shopping, then left it in his car. Although the owner has allegedly received my contact information, I have not heard a peep about it since. I'm honestly really bitter. But that being said, a carpeted dance floor is unbeatable—just make sure you leave your sturdy yet stylish canvas totes at HOME. —Katie Way

In non-nightclub related news:

  • SNL's editorial team, who edit pre-filmed sketches and music videos, will go on strike, perhaps fittingly, on April 1.
  • Joe Kloc wrote a wrenching piece for the Guardian about the disappearing ability to make a middle-class living in New York.
  • Meanwhile, at luxury apartments in Manhattan, you get so many amenities you may never need to leave the building. A commenter complained about writer Bridget Read describing such tenants as "losers," but…
  • You might want to stop inviting people to birthday parties in Gowanus, especially if they're at the Royal Palms Shuffle Club. Toxic fumes have been detected there for two years!
  • The New York Housing Conference has published a study adding to evidence that renters in New York are in dire need of relief.
  • On the Upper West Side, residents have voted that their low-paid army of food delivery workers must as ever remain out of sight.
  • Videos show that when retired NYPD officer Kruythoff Forrester was accused of menacing people with a gun, his cop buddies intervened and his arrest was voided.
  • The New York Times has the infuriating story of Sheldon Thomas, incarcerated for 18 years because cops knowingly used the photo of another man named Sheldon Thomas.
  • Aaron Judge turned down a deal worth a total of $400 million to remain a Yankee.
  • NY Cannabis Insider tested legal marijuana to see if it contains what it advertises.
  • Coyote in Queens! Coyote in Queens! Read Hell Gate's extensive coyote coverage here.
  • The City Hall steps are closing for renovations for a year.

Update (3/10/2023 8:07p.m.): A previous version of this post said that the cops came to Mansions. They actually were called to the party in Crown Heights. Hell Gate regrets the error.

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