Eric Adams to City: VAGINA

Yesterday, New York City's number one crystal enthusiast held a press conference to announce a round of women's health initiatives: "Women's health needs some intensive care," he said, a cute turn of phrase intended to highlight the fact that, for instance, Black women in New York City are nine times more likely to die of pregnancy-related complications than white women. He was introduced as an "ally" and a "man who gets it" by Deputy Mayor Anne Williams-Isom, who spoke alongside a handful of representatives from the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene and NYC Health and Hospitals. The founder of a startup that sells $129 vaginal microbiome testing kits also briefly and inexplicably made a statement. 

Though the promise of free abortion pills on demand at four City-run clinics attracted the most attention, the mayor announced a handful of initiatives with varying degrees of immediacy and scope. The Sexual Education Task Force will be relaunched, ostensibly to address the fact that sex ed in New York City schools is grim and full of "glaring inaccuracies," according to recent reports. The City will begin tracking more granular data related to women's health, and this spring, a summit of experts will convene to build an "ambitious women's health agenda." The Adams administration will also implement a dedicated substance abuse program for pregnant people and parents. 

All of these welcome, if mostly exploratory, strides were offset somewhat by the posture Adams struck as he staunchly defended New York City's vaginas from various existential threats.

Toward the end of his speech, the mayor spoke poetically—and rather uncomfortably!—about "the beauty of the physical anatomy of a woman" and how the "woman body is just taboo." (The latter issue involved some speculation on Adams's part: "No one wants to talk about it. I think that moms tell their daughters not to talk about it.") Complicated historical dynamics were reduced to a supposed discomfort with stringing together six letters: "We would have a lot more research and care options for women's health if we weren't so afraid of saying the word 'vagina,'" the mayor mused. And, later on: "We can talk about erectile dysfunction but not clitoris stimulation." (One might be tempted to ask who "we" refers to, here.) 

But perhaps most bizarrely, Adams related an anecdote about his time as Brooklyn Borough Hall. Allegedly, the then-borough president tried to institute a "menopause-friendly environment" in his office: "And all the women came to me and said, 'Please don't mention that,'" he recalled.

If you happen to be one of the women who prevented Eric Adams from instituting his feminist policies because of your inability to say "vagina" or "menopause," Hell Gate invites you to get in touch. 

Here's what else is happening under America's most feminist administration: 

• Bald eagles are in Brooklyn. 
• Almost 4,400 households have been evicted since COVID-related eviction protections expired last year. 
• New York City, a metropolis of 8.5 million, has fewer than 1,200 public restrooms.
• Here's a heartwarming interview with a PE teacher in Queens who has a large YouTube following.
• Judge Hector LaSalle will appear before the state Senate Judiciary committee today, and the chances of his confirmation still appear to be uncertain.  
• A disabled veteran says George Santos took $3,000 from his dying dog's GoFundMe. 
• Three Rikers Island correction officers have been charged with covering up the assault of an inmate. 
• Here's a report on the alleged shoplifting crisis in NYC: "If you're a New Yorker, you might have bought a cup of coffee from a midtown cart that brews exclusively stolen beans or have eaten an Italian sub from a bodega that uses pilfered salami."
• And finally, please God, no: