At Least I’ll Always Have the Chandelier Furniture Factory Outlet

It can get lonely in Bushwick. The armpit around the Wyckoff L stop is desolate and devoid of crosswalks. Elsewhere's wristband payment system makes you feel like less than a person, and the wares at the various warehouse-shaped microbreweries that dot the boulevard can all start to taste the same. If you just saw your favorite rapper at Elsewhere's Zone One, you might be tempted to Uber home, but there's only one oasis truly offered to the late-night pedestrians coming out of Jupiter Disco or Honey's: the facade of the George Versailles Chandelier Factory and Furniture Outlet.

A vision of old-world opulence, the storefront glows nightly, its chaise lounges and chandeliers as inviting as any prince's palace. May its lights never dim. 

On Tuesday night, I left a scene-y magazine party at Elsewhere feeling empty. "IDK what I'm doing here," I texted the friend who had ditched me for a 20-mile bike ride. 

"20 mile bike ride," was all he replied. I stumbled past the smokers and onto Johnson Avenue. Was all hope lost? I turned the corner onto Flushing, and there it was: hope, chandeliers, furniture, and a promise that everything will end up alright in the end. 

"I don't know how to ride a bike," I responded. "You have to teach me." 

"Sure."

Lights at the end of the tunnel.

And now for some links:

• Bridget Read at Curbed spoke with other Michael Jackson impersonators about their friend Jordan Neely.
• The NYPD and the Manhattan district attorney's office are "conferring" on charges for the man who killed Neely.
• The NYPD did not protect a Staten Island woman from violence she warned them about.
• God told Eric Adams the exact day he was going to be mayor.
• A judge ruled that Andy King can run for his old City Council seat.
• The sidewalks outside of Borinquen Plaza in Williamsburg are permanently stained brown from sewage leaks.
• In his rape trial, Trump was unrepentant about the Access Hollywood tape.
• Attorney General Letitia James is investigating the NFL after women have alleged discrimination and harassment.
• Um, dibs: